I FEEL LIKE A ROBOT

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In this Checkpoints, Maria shares how God brought her from feeling like a religious robot to knowing Him… The Word. 

 

I feel like a robot.
          Growing up and even after I grew up and married, whenever I prayed, attended a gathering, or practiced any ritual relating to the religion our family practiced, I felt like a robot. Our ritualistic religious practices did not mean anything to me. I did not understand why we did or did not do something to supposedly be good or become “good enough” to go to Heaven.
          Neither I nor members in my family read the Bible. In our living room, we had a coffee table with a large family Bible [printed in Spanish] on it, but I never saw it open. One time, however, when I felt sure no one was watching, my curiosity overruled me. I dared to open the Bible.
          For years, the Bible, which I later came to recognize as “God’s Word” remained a mystery. My father, the only person who could drive in our family, religiously drove me, my ten siblings, and Mother to church Sunday and other holidays or special occasions. In church, I learned that being good basically meant going by the rules. Be good… Do this… Don’t do that.
          There has to be more to life than this, I often thought. More to living… More to making it to Heaven… More than just going to church and obeying all the rules.
          Our church celebrated Christmas, Easter, and other reportedly “Holy” days. In services, our religious leaders included the words, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit but did not explain Who Jesus was, nor about how to know God, nor about the Holy Spirit in the Trinity.
          Leaders in our church did not emphasize Jesus Christ, nor what He did for us on The Cross. Our church focused on the mother of Jesus as the primary person for their focus.
          Our church did not stress Jesus.

          We had prayers we would memorize and recite in church. I learned the ritualistic prayers. The more I prayed them, the more I felt like a robot.
          Sometimes, I would try to pray on my own; not yet knowing God… not knowing Jesus as my Savior. My heart cried, God, I want to know You.
          At one point, desperately wanting to know God and get close to Him, I considered serving in the church full time. But then, I thought, If I don't know why I’m even in the church, why would I want to be part of it…
          I knew I was part of this “church” because that’s what my parents were; what their parents before them had been; what my children were expected to be if I became a mother.
          The thought, there's got to be more than this… hounded my heart.
          There not only was, I learned, there is so much more…
          God used friends to lead me to attend a Bible-teaching church, hosting a youth weekend. I and others there heard and sang non-traditional, worship songs. We read and studied the Bible. People prayed prayers from their hearts.
          I left that retreat tightly holding, treasuring my first Bible that a worker had given me. During that next week, I read my Bible, The Word… God’s Word.
          The Word… The Word… The Word…
          Instead of reciting memorized, ritualistic prayers, I started talking to God from my heart, realizing that He knew me; that He loved me.
          As I started listening to Christian radio, I realized that in addition to personally reading The Word and hearing it at a Bible-teaching church, I could hear God’s Word as others shared it over the radio.
I started realizing there is more to life than religiously trying to be good. More to living than simply surviving or existing… More than trying to make it to Heaven… More than just being religious or going to church and obeying all the rules.
          The Word opened my eyes.

          Hey, I don't have to have somebody else explain God to me, I realized.
          God gave us His Word to read to reveal everything we need to know Him.
          I no longer feel like a robot.

 

shELAH’s Note:

          “I’m not a very good [religion], but…”
          “I don’t attend church like a good [religion], but…”
          Recently, two different individuals told me they did not do what they thought they needed to do be a good [religion].
          Maria’s story reminds us that God does not want us to be a good [religion], but to believe in His Son, Jesus Christ, Who died on the Cross for our sins, so that we can know there is more to life than religiously trying to be good. More to living than simply surviving or existing… More than trying to making it to Heaven… More than just going to church and obeying all the rules.
          More than feeling like a robot.