A HUGGING BUNCH
This Checkpoints shares an adaptation of an article my brother, Jimmy, published during 2008 in the Shreveport Times. In his article, Jimmy shares one of the reasons he contends Dixie, also known as “the South,” to be special.
“I have never seen so much hugging in my life,” Jim, my former boss told me, when he attended his first southern work-related conference where approximately 75 employees met together. Jim had moved to Louisiana from Detroit a few months earlier. “I don’t understand all the hugging,” Jim said, as his eyes questioned mine with a curious look, as if he had just stumbled across some secret ritual that appeared pleasant, yet unsettling at the same time. “Up north we simply shake hands or just look at each other and nod.” “Southerners are a hugging bunch,” I told Jim.
Poor Yankee Jim. I thought, he doesn’t understand the concept of grits either.
Hugging, I learned at an early age, is intrinsic in most Southerners. Our “relatives” hug us from the time we are born until the time we move on to a better place. Growing up in Louisiana, I cannot count the hugs I received from family, friends, teachers, acquaintances and even one or two people I just met for the first time. Some people in California and New York hug, too, I admit, however, it just does not appear to come that natural to them, nor does it embrace the meaning it does for those of us south of the Mason-Dixon.
We Southerners just love to hug. Perhaps it is the intimacy and personal aspect of sharing yourself with someone. In the days before Christmas, I made a mental count of hugs I received one weekend. Twenty-seven. According to Virginia Satir, a family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
That weekend I exceeded the minimum number of 12 hugs required for growth by three; confirming that I know lots of hugging people. Of course, that particular weekend included attending church and in-law get-togethers where most of us were in a festive mood. I venture to say, however, it is not uncommon for the average Southerner to receive and give four or five good hugs a week, usually more.
When Teddy Allen, a good Southerner, if there ever was one, met Anne, my wife, for the first time, he hugged her. As Teddy would say, it was “a beautiful thing.” There was no hesitation or awkwardness—just an exchange of friendliness between two good Southern souls.
That hug started my mental wheels turning and led me to typing this article on my laptop. More than likely, one would not witness this sort of hugging exchange in Minneapolis or Buffalo between two folks who met for the first time.
Hugging exemplifies just one of the many little things I love about living in the Ark-La-Tex. Several years ago when traveling from Shreveport, Louisiana to Dallas, Texas, I met Loretta*, a lovely local lady, sitting next to me on a plane. As we discussed the south, she shared reminisces of the few years she lived in New Jersey. The first time she went to the grocery store up there, Loretta said, she tried to engage a clerk in conversation. In response, she got “not so much as” a grunt in reply, much less a hug.
“I’m glad to be home,” Loretta sighed. “The people are just friendlier down here.” Down here in the South, not only are people friendlier than most living up north, most of us are thankful for grits, homemade buttermilk biscuits, cornbread, collard greens, purple hull peas, catfish, hominy, sweet tea, the term “y’all” and all the other little things that make the South “the South.” Most of all, however, along with being considered “the Bible Belt,” we treasure – the hug.
So, each time you meet a dear friend or family member, be sure give them a good ol’ Southern hug. Also, if you ever meet someone like Jim, or another Yankee from Detroit or some other place up in the far north, please be sure and give them a big hug. Poor Yankees, they are missing out on a lot up there.
shELAH’s Note:
Three times in the Bible, twice by Paul; once by Peter, we are told to greet each other with a holy kiss. The word “kiss” in Greek signifies a “sign of fraternal affection.” 1 Peter 5:14 (NKJV) states: “Greet one another with a kiss of love….” Today’s hug, it seems to me,
whether given or received in the south, north or in some foreign land, signifies to Christians the same bond as a holy kiss—the bond of peace in Christ.
I agree with Jimmy that hugs mirror an invisible bond Southerners understand and share. I question, however, whether hugs are unique to the South. Years ago, when I visited the Netherlands, I met a family who hugged and welcomed me into their home. “In every country, the father in this family told me in broken English, “There are Christians.” In every country, I propose, whether in the South, North or anywhere else in the universe— there are hugs.
